twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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