Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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