How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
