i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
