I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
