if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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