My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize