lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
