Your face is a jimmy john
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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