So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
