So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
