i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize