I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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