my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
