Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
