small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize