He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
