I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
