fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
