Swine flu. Run for my life!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
