I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
