Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
