yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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