I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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