Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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