omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
