if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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