I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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