i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
