evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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