a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
