HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize