Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
