Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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