there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In other news, I just burned my penis
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
