i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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