Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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