porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
