he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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