Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Holy shit dude........stairs
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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