she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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