this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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