Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
