best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
