Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
