I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
