I hate all girls vehemently.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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