"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm sobbing to NWA
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
