nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
