I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
