I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
