hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
