I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
