I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
