What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
