it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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