so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
