My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
