Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize