She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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