Do you still have your period?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
