Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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