Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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