You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize