Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
this just has baby written all over it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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