apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
