Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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