my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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