party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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