from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize