i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
