saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
