My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Can I color on your dick again?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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