a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
